Wisconsin...Smell the Dairy Air.

I'm leavin on a jet plane, dont know when...oh wait yes I do...I'll be back in 10 days.

I am going to Wisconsin..why you ask?? Brilliant question!

I am going to visit my brother and his family...and the Minnesota contingency of my familt topiary...will be coming down on the 4th to visit ...and drink Old Milwaukee no doubt!

My brother is a hoot, he's very serious and responsible.

I actually like my sister in law (she's gorgeous as well so she fits in nicely)

My nephew and my son are separated by only 5 months..so havoc will be wrecked there...little hooligans.

But I have to admit, while I love my family all equally I simply adore my neice. She is 12 (oh dear lord maybe she's 13?) Anyway I adore her.

She is simply the most interesting and fascinating person of any age.
Se has Aspergers (look it up I'm in a hurry) and she is quite frankly brilliant.

Unfortunately, she is at the age where being slightly different, gorgeous and brilliant..is not so easy when you go to school will hateful little cows masquerading as preteen girls.
So a nice long hang out session with Auntie Penny is just what she needs.

Anyway, I gotta go get ready to leave.

If I dont post before...Happy July 4th..

Celebrate our independence from the oppressively tyrannical Great Britain!

:-P

God what a day...

I'm beat.

Conversational A D D

(I wrote this last night, but didnt post it until this morning..blerg)

I just got home from my soccer game..which we won.
Go us.

Anyway, today at work the top I wore necessitated the wearing of a strapless undergarment.
Because the showing of bra straps is growled upon at my place on enslavement.
My strapless brassiere is a torture device, it is by all practice standards...the upper half of a corset, complete with rib gouging boning to keep the girls upwardly mobile.
So naturally by about 3:30 I am uncomfortable and ready to hurl said evil foundation garment out the window...since I could not..I did the next best thing and whined to my co-workers about the uncomfortableness.
Which of course diverted into a conversation about bras in general..and then one of my coworkers blurts out that she cant go braless because her nipples are really large and pointy outy (ok she didnt use pointy outy, but I edited for my amusement)

begyerpardon?

Now, There is such a thing as oversharing with your co-workers, granted there is a fine line between talking about brassieres and discussing what fillith thine cup.
But it exists, and it should not be crossed.

After a few stunned moments I simply said "Well thats unfortunate..back to work I am!"

and fairly sailed back to my desk..

I'm back...and now on to something more important..

Breathe easy my little minions, I am fine.

The beginning of June is simply a sucky time for me, so I retreat in my shell (like a typical cancerian) and emerge all shiny and new in a few weeks..with my hard crunchy shell intact.


Anyway, enough about me...
As you know if you've been paying attention. I dont post about the goings on...going on...on someone elses blog...but, today I read Tideliars blog about the loss of a childhood friend recently who died while serving in Afghanistan.
My heart broke for him. Regardless how you feel about this war, or war in general....losing somebody you know, never mind care for, brings it crashing into your solar plexus like a fist. That someone so alive in your mind is now gone, and there will be no more memories to be made..

I have been there, and it sucks more profoundly than words can ever express...the great gaping hole where a memory used to be.
For a while, the memories take on a pain all their own, and when you visit them, they hurt so much they literally take your breath away.

And everytime you hear of it happening to "someone else" it all comes rushing back, I know they say time heals all wounds, but I think it is easier to simply say that in time you learn to live with some wounds, and they just become part of who you are, they no longer define you, but they have shaped you.

And those who still have someone "over there" when you hear about something like this, the fear is beyond terror, because the only way to survive is to not acknowledge that it can happen to anyone even to ____, or else it will drive you mad.

So, Tideliar my very dear friend. My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain, and I grieve with you over the loss of your friend.

I have no words that will make it "better" because they simply do not exist..

It just sucks.

Godspeed.

Well that would explain my lofty self image

howmuchareyouworth?
I am worth 1,911.356.79

Pocket change...

And they say all Scandanavians look alike.

This is me not get publically intoxicated at an awards banquet with my friend and co-worker Nora.
She shares the blessed genes of Scandanavia with me...

I've been tagged?..could of sworn he said shagged...

Well a fine thanky doo to tidlee, I've been tagged.

Ten things I loathe about my job (yes I know he changed it to 5 and 5, but I'm a purist and resist change)
1. Inflexible hours: Whats up with that crap? Who cares if I'm here at exactly x or leave before y? ..as long as I get the work done. Case in point..I'm here right now!

2. The customers..the customers..the customers. Every stupid person on earth has me on speed dial.

3. That young shit upstairs who is fresh out of college and think being president of his fraternity makes him cool, it doesnt, it just gives me something else to mock him for.

4. Our dress code. Professional during the week with business casual on Fridays, and this is only because our current grand pooh bah used to be a Governor. I want the return of Friday's wearing my Levi's!

5. CUBICLE. Need I say more?

6. That group of horrid women who meet in the bathroom and make fun of other women. I wish I could get away with giving them all swirlies, mean cows.

7. Having to explain something elementary to the higher ups, who just shuttle it off on their underpaid and overworked Admins, or after my one hour tutorial ask "Well could you just do it for us, you understand that stuff"

8. I am surrounded by women who spend the entire freaking day gossiping..about each other to each other..they skulk on over to x to complain about y..then simper to y to kvetch about x..

My Grandmother told me...if they gossip TO you..they gossip ABOUT you..


9.Did I mention I have a CUBICLE?

10. The unwillingness of anyone to go out of their way to obtain knowledge that might be helpful to someone else. Its always "Thats not my job, that's Eduardo"
chowderheads.

Now two things I love:

My director, he is the schizzle in the twizzle. At my previous company I was micromanaged to the point I swear she knew the color of my knickers from hovering behind me so much.
My current big cheese trusts my capabilities and supports my decisions and my work.

Plus he never gives me crap if I need to leave early..

A good boss type person makes up for all the other crap.

And my co-worker Crystal, who is simply a taller version of me..but she can sing.

There are few things funnier than hearing a 6ft blonde with a southern accent say "How would you like a nice cup of Shut the F*ck up?"
Hilarious.

Tonights million dollar question...

Seriously gentlemen..answer this for me please, and ask your friends.

Why does it bother some of you, when a woman is better at SOME sports than you are?

I like being a girl, I'm feminine..

I have looovely long hair, I wear make-up..

But just because I happen to play a sport better than you on occassion..why is this a threat to you? Why does this piss you off?

Theorectically you say you like a woman who's athletic..but is the caveat ONLY if she doesnt actually perform better than you on the field of play?

I do not dance around and say "I'm better hoooah" or patronize you in any way.

And yet on the occassion like tonight when I have a stellar moment at bat and hit a 3 base run..your masculinity is threatened and you storm off home in a huff..

And men says women are complicated? Puh...Pot...Kettle Black?

No Vacancies in the Cranium..

Not till I'm out of high school mom...

Sometimes to kill the monotony I will intentionally have bizzaro conversations with Vincent, completely nonsense exchanges, that exist only to make us both laugh, or to mess with his brilliant little mind.

Last night on the way to soccer Vincent was telling me about a kid in his class that was held back last year, and how funny he is.
To which I replied.."Funny..how?...Like Funny HA HA...or Funny weird"
"Funny HA HA, At the end of the day when we're leaving and he has to go to SAC he throws himself against the windows on the front door like he's a prisoner, and he's always falling on his face"
"I dont know Vin, that sounds funny in the head, he hasn't tried to kiss you or anything has he?" I ask in mock seriousness.
"No Mom, he just hilarious, not funky" (rolling his eyes)
"Well ok, but dont let him try to kiss you"
"Mom, I am not Gay"
"Well I know that" (glancing sideways at him) "But it would be ok if you were..ya know"
"I like girls Mom"
"Wait, have you kissed a girl yet" I pretend to panic..
"Nope" shaking head vehemently
"Good Because you're way to young for that"
"I know, I'm waiting till...like, after I graduate from High School"
"You're waiting until AFTER you graduate High School?" arching brow
"Yep" confident nod of head
"Can I get that in writing perhaps, because I think a girl is gonna wanna kiss you long before that"
"Well I am not going to want to kiss her!" he states confidently.

BWAAA goodness.....kids are fun! Go get yourself some..

Penny on the Block!

I know I'm going to get it in the arse for this one..but whatever.

I live in a suburb just south of Washington D.C.
The original houses were all built in the 40's. Something around here affectionately called "Post WWII boom housing" they are built sturdy as hell, but for a family of considerably lower maintenance than todays (meaning at MAX two bathrooms)
The yard sizes are all willy nilly, with one of my neighbors having a postage stamp sized lawn, while another has a 1/2 acre (like me)
Anyway, my neighborhood for several years now has been a nice neighborhood sandwiched between two increasingly bad neighborhoods.
In these bad neighborhoods there is a predominately Latino population.
Including ones of the biggest representations of the beloved MS13 from El Salvador (yes the ones who hack up their enemies with Machetes)

And frankly I have always thought it wonderful my son goes to a school where there isnt a cultural whiteout, that he learns tolerance and appreciation of all races, creeds, colors and religions, Vincents first "girlfriend" was a chinese orphan with lesbians as parents..rock on!
I constantly rib my brother in Wisconsin that the only his kids see anyone who is not as white as white can be white is on TV.

Well, Penny aint so zen about it any more.

Theres a new phenom in town and I am not happy.

Frankly my hood is turning into a scary assed place and I dont like it.

Small slab ramblers are being sold/bought, promptly gutted down to one wall, and then these ugly McMansions are being thrown up, and two or three latino families are shacking up together.

No lawn mowing is occuring, no house maintence at all. In fact sheets are the currently curtain of choice. But no matter what there's a "Dish" or two stuck somewhere in the yard.
GOD FREAKIN FORBID YOU MISS "EL FOOTBALL" TO MAYBE MOW YOUR FREAKIN LAWN!!!!
But then how can they mow...when their cars are parked ON their front lawns??

I walk my dogs in the evening (and thank you god they give a WIDE berth when I've got Brutus on the line)and curse these dillweeds vehemently under my breath.
I no longer live in a nice friendly neighborhood.
Car vandalizations are rampant, as are muggings and even a MURDER? what the hell is that?
My brother keeps attempting to get me to move to Pissconsin, but I dont see that being the answer either.

There, a nice politically incorrect rant from Penny.

Forgive my intolerance, even I am not perfect.

Sometimes you just wanna scream

I have spent the entire morning modifying a server list of about 5 thousand records. And then pffft the power went out. Yes I saved a good portion of it, but still. I have to redo the other brainfrying portion..

Happy Happy Joy Joy..Happy Happy Joy.

Well that's why it's called a personal life.

This past weekend a friend who reads my blog asked me why I never talk about my dating/love life on here. I figured there are enough women who fancy themselves "Bridget Jones" on the freakin internet already. Besides why on earth would someone be interested?

Fine. I cave to pressure.

I'll keep it brief. Yes I have a person I see with regularity.
He is currently a Combat Medic in the Army.
He is very good to me, and claims to like me quite alot.
He is also very intelligent, and absolutely adorable.
And harking back to a blog of many moons ago... I am absolutely certain that I could not take him in a fight (not that the event would ever arise to test this theory)

Nosey buggers...are you happy now?

Wait is my blog about my life? Or is my life about my blog??

You know your blogging is getting out of hand when you have a conversation with a friend on the telephone about your blogs..and the comments you have left on each others blogs.
Clearly I need an intervention..

Maybe he can take up cross stitch..

I, as luck (snort) would have it..happen to work within sneezing distance of the US Federal Courthouse...
Yes THAT courthouse...where Zacarias Moussaoui is/was being tried

This has bunged up traffic to a point that is almost inexplicable..not to mention security as been tighter than a *ahem*

I have become accustomed to seeing federal marshals with assault weapons on the roof of my parking garage..and looking out the window during a meeting and watching my car get sniffed by a bomb dog..stranger still.

Well today they read the verdict.
Life in prison..no chance of parole.
And..that is that.

L i f e i n p r i s o n, no chance of parole...sentencing next week.

Because I'm unoriginal..

I took this test on Melanie's Blog.

And I'm too lazy to come up with my own topic today..so I nicked hers.

Thank you Melanie!

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

A Semi-Formal Apology

Dear Garbage..person,

On behalf of my family...(and my neighbor) I would like to apologize for this mornings trash can of deathly stench.

While there were (obviously) many things I did not take into consideration when I decided to add another creature to the humble abode..

The prodigious amount of animal waste would be at the top of the heap (oy)

Between the mastiff, the puppy and the cat...we could fertilize the Mall (the one with the Monuments..not the stores)

I do sincerely apologize.

Especially since when I dropped a(nother) bag of goodies into the can last night I discovered my more-than-mildly incontinent neighbor also choose Friday as the day to toss in her " weekly bags of trash" as well. (she's old and cheap, so we share trash expenses)
The smell almost knocked me off my feet..prompting Vin who was a good twenty feet away to scream "Mom, what is that stink?"

You surely must have cursed me heartily this morning...again.

You are an underappreciated godly like person, and I do not blame you for shoving my trashcan into the holly shrub..so that I get as scratched up as an old Lynyrd Skynyrd Album when I attempt to retrieve it.

May your weekend be free of offensive odors..

Thank you,
P.D.

Todays appreciative SWAG

Today was our Health and Wellness fair.

Which as far as I could tell consisted soley to show us how unhealthy we are.

For FREE they:
Tested our cholesterol, our BMI (thats Body Mass Index), and our blood pressure.

And conducted a Dermavue skin analysis (shows you the UV damage to your skin)

Not to mention representives from Weight Watchers....and COPE (an employee mental health provider)

I'm sorry? So they show their appreciation by telling us we're stressed, fat, sun damaged, mental...AND we have high blood pressure?

How inspiring...

I of course partook in none of this.

I waltzed in, grabbed my free gift (a nifty blue Nalgene bottle) and breezed right back out again.

I am now at my desk eating Gummi Bears...and drinking Diet Coke.

A woman in my department won the "Weight Watchers" tote bag, she almost cried she was so happy..... at least they were smart enough to just bring it down to her..and not send out a company wide e-mail alerting us that she was the lucky weiner.

I snuck a few male co-workers names into the drawing...but no dice.

Fate is not my friend today.

I am an appreciated employee

Ths being Wednesday, I am midweek of what is my place of enslavement's "employee appreciation week"
Monday we had a continental breakfast whilst our beloved president gave a short inspirational speech where he managed to mispronounce our HR Directors name, and introduce our new Executive Vice President, a personal croney..who has recently come to us from....George Bush's cabinet!
We also enjoyed a rousing game of e-mail bingo throughout the day..

Yesterday...found us donning our "hard hats" for an inspiration field trip and short bus ride (and you can read that either way... either short..bus ride...or short bus...ride, both would be fitting) to the site of our future new office...smack dab in the middle of Arlington Virginia...joyous exhaltations of trafficky goodness! (we had received a lovely packed lunch we could either eat on the bus, or indulge in it's deliciousness at our desks)

Today...we will be having a "Margaritas and Milkshakes with Motivational Speaker" from 3-5pm.

As for the delightful appreciative swag we have received thus far? In addition to the lovely hard hat we got to keep for ourverysleves, we have received lunch bags with our company logo..and a t-shirt with same company logo.

Tomorrow we have a health and wellness fair, with a special "fun-walk" throughout the day.

It is so very lovely being appreciated.

Redneck by association..National Rifle Association that is..

In my efficiency hut at my place of enslavement I have a bulletin board that I stick random and conversationally akward things on (not actual work mind you..that would just be silly)
Recently I posted a picture of my brother in full redneck mode kneeling in front of a deer he had hunted down and slaughtered last fall in the wilds of Wisconsin..it's blood dramatic against the snow in front of him. (I actually have it posted because it's a 16 point buck with a drop tine, which is rather unique)
Some people react rather amusingly to this, you can tell they're moderately repulsed, but dont want to actually SAY anything for fear I might try to stuff them and hang them on my wall.
I myself do not hunt. Don't have the inclination. My father attempted to take me hunting on my youth, didn't take. I dont like shooting live things..targets..yep, and I'm a great shot as well. But I dont jones on taking life, it messes with my karma.
But since hunting is beyond a religion in my family..it's actually a career for one member of my "clan" I just keep my trap shut and roll with it (besides, who knows when the ability to clean and gut a dear will come in handy..eh? Not to mention the lifetime membership in the NRA, which was a gift from my father when I turned 18....hoooah)

Anyway, back to the picture. My brother and I dont look a thing alike...aside from both being gorgeous that is...actually to be shocking my brother is even better looking than I.
I am told he looks like Johnny Depp...only less scrungy
I of course am far superior in intellect.
But where I am short..er.. pale and blonde with dark eyes, he is tall, swarthy(what a great word)with dark hair and gold/green eyes..
Maybe thats why physical beauty doesn't turn my brain to mush, I'm used to it...my entire family is gorgeous...

Anyway a person wandered into my hut today..and upon seeing said photo asked me if he was single (at least she didnt ask me if he was was boyfriend, which HAS happened and is just icky)
and then told me she thought the picture was inflammatory.

Exactly.