Oh just shut it already..

You know what is worse than listening to a loud windbag co-worker wax nauseous over her new (ok ready probably ONLY) paramour?

I'm sure you know whats coming...yup.

When they break up/split..he finally flees the country to escape the Mad Cow.
She has been whinging and gnashing for the last three days over "the end"
Weeping to all, that she never saw it coming..

Alright. Well everybody else has, in fact we've placed bets on it. We are mackeral slapped it lasted this long..but then she has been quite busy buying him lots of shiny stuff.
I lost official count somewhere around 3 thousand..because someone ratted me out that I would keeping a financial tally (purely for betting purposes..it helps to be well informed) and she stopped talking about it... (well loud enough for me to overhear)
It has be grotesquely fascinating wondering when the balance would tip.

Now what you ask was the catalyst, what made her realize that it was over?

Was it the weekend of the snow fall/storm? When Sunday she ran into him at a local establishment, unaware that "he had come into town to help with snow removal" and had not called her?
(well, he had actually come into town Friday night, because I saw him out and about that night..but no matter) NOPE..not that.

Was it Valentines day when she failed to get even a phone call? Nope.

Was it when...suddenly he would not fuck her without double protection...(after not even calling her in close to two weeks?) NOPE (yes she shared this..lucky us)

It was when she stole his phone (the one she paid for) and scrolled through to see who he was talking to, and found a girls number...and called it.. OOOPS.


HOLYFUCKINGSHITNOWAY....

So now she on Nuclear Meltdown...sniffling and snorting..and asking everyone their opinion.

It's...it's so uncomfortable...and yet compelling..

A Fool and her money are soon parted...

I love to shop.
I know I know..it would appear to be in direct conflict with my anti-consumerism rant of months past.
But I'm not attempting to purchase anyone's affections.
I am shopping mostly for my progeny and I.

So as I am sure as web savvy individuals we all have favorite e-tailers whose goods tempt us with their shiny goodness.

And I shall introduce my most favorite here...

Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs. BPAL to the devoted hoards.
If you have not experienced this website..please feel welcome to do so now.
http://www.blackphoenixalchemylab.com


In a world of department store homogeny, this place simply kicks ass.

It sells scented perfume oils. But not your average Phish Hippie stink oils. Nor does it pride itself on "duping" popular mainstream fragrances.

Noooo the beautific brain child behind this place Beth has created potions that are beyond remarkable..

How so you ask?

Well, their scents are truly inspired and unique.
Taking their inspiration, and often their names from Religion, Mythology, Poetry, Literature, and many other Romantic/Gothic inspired areas.

With names like:

Arachne
Embalming Fluid
Debauchery
La Petite Mort (uh huh..you know what that is..dont you?)
De Sade
The Blood Countess
Nosferatu

and of course my signature "Penny Dreadful" how freakin cool is that??

as well as The Deadly Sins, E.A. Poe, "Alice's sojourns into Wonderland", the Elements, Lunar Cycles, Tarot and dozens of other brilliant thingys.
And lest you think it's just Penny tripping Gothic there are plenty of flowery "walk in the light" fragrances as well.

I dont know how they do it..but they have even captured the scent of a catholic church in full incensy communion...( I swear when I smelled it..I almost genuflected..

I cannot recommend this e-tailer any higher. Even just reading the scent descriptions is fascinating. NO to mention the woman who runs it (the above mentioned Beth)..is just too cool for school.

I could blubber poetic about it for pages.
But it really is best experienced for yourself.
And if you're completely lost where to start..

There's a forum (the link is on their site) that will answer ANY question you could dream of, and so much better than I can/could.
And make sure to check out the SWAP section for item for Sale.

p.s. also check out the Trading Post , it's got T-shirts, hoodies, statues and other such delicacies ( I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Skeleton T). Which is run by Beth's counterpart Ted, who is just one of the coolest guys ever.


Go..go now..and be parted from your minor ducats!

So why can't I own a Canadian?

A co-worker forwarded this to me this morning.
It was greeted with many mirthful outbursts by me..

Hypocrisy 101

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell?
I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is anabomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden byLev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -Lev.24:10-16.
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws?(Lev.20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

-Ok..so why is it I can't own a Canadian? Preferrably one of the hulking Hockey Player variety?

Super Bore

The Super Bowl is on..and of course my munchkin in parked in front of the tube hootin an hollerin with the rest of the no-necks.
I am having a completely dissatisfying weekend.
And I feel like a complete antisocial whinging hag.
So I figured, blog on and see if I can suck the joy out of someone elses day...because that might really perk me up.

But I just got messaged by some weird guy that I dated once and then lied about getting a job in another country so I never had to talk to him again... (ok, I didn't really tell him that, I dont remember what exactly I told him, but I know I wussed out and didnt tell him the truth which was that I just didnt like him)

I'm sure you all were hoping this is where I launch into one of my witty, insightful, thought provoking posts about why "we" find it impossible to simply tell a person we aren't interested in them, in some cases going into elaborate evasive manuevers to avoid said honesty..

But I'm in too foul of a mood to be insightful..so I am going to go eat valentines cupcakes with my son and see if I can get him to play "Go Fish" with me...

And an extra special EFF U to the couple my son caught getting it on in their car at Costco today...thereby causing him to drop the pineapple his was holding.
Not only did I have to attempt to explain to him what was going on....but my pineapple got bruised too.
Get a room you morally vacuous bottom feeders...that's not sexy, thats just stupid.