That smarted.

I had a soccer game last night.
I stopped a ball at 2 feet with the right side of my face and head.
It hurt ever so much.
And I still have a verra bad heachache from it.

No fear! there is not a mark on my face...strangely enough.

When remarking upon this interesting phenomenon, a co-worker stated "That means if your husband ever beats you up you wont get bruised"

OOOOHHHH KAAAAAY

My blood ran cold...

So I was already to blog amusing...until my co-worker sent me a video that a security specialist had created that chilled me to the very bone.

scary_video

I cannot tell you how much this scares the hell out of me.
That people walked by, just walked by whilst this child was obviously being abducted.

We teach our children not to talk to strangers or get into a car with anyone they dont know) (or better do as I do and give him "5" meaning 5 people he is allowed to get into a car with if I am not there. His father, either of his grandmothers, his babysitter, and our neighbor C.
NOBODY else. (and I do mean NOBODY)
And we tell them if someone is trying to grab them or engage them against their will to SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM "HELP HELP YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER/FATHER!"

But apparently I am incredibly naive, because it never occured to me, that if my child were to scream for his life...that someone would just walk away and leave him to whatever his fate may be.

Why? How? I'm stunned, terrified..and just wow..this is disappointing as hell

Holy Smokes...

I've stopped smoking.
Yeah me.
I'd like to say it was some grand gesture toward self improvement, or that the guilt of hiding it from my darlingangel (HELL O HIPPO CRIT)just got to be too much for me.

But that would be a lie, because I loathe anything even slightly wafting of self improvement, and I'm a hypocrit.

And don't think it was some hard arduous task involving prescription whosiwhatits (I'm already on Adderall darlings..I dont really need more pharmaceuticals)I am one of those loathesome personages who can quit and start by your leave.

Nope, while I admit, the danger of leaving a lung on the soccer field was no small incentive, it was actually that I was so busy for a couple of days leading into weeks, that I simply forgot to smoke.


Now I understand the disbelief and amazement. Because obviously since my ass has not shrunk I did not forget to eat. (though in my defense there, I can eat inside..and in front on my child)
But it's the truth...by the time my smoking time arrived (after the little one is snoring and housework is done) I was simply to exhausted to be arsed with going outside, or simply just forgot.

And since the foul language is soon to be departing as well...my 9 year old dropped the F bomb this weekend...oops...I shall soon be without vice..

Blech. I need to work on that...

because it deserves repeating..

Until it is drilled into all of your little brains...

Marry whomever you want, may the carcasses of your ex wives and husbands litter the roadsides...

But be very very choosy my little dearies with whom you breed ...because THOSE are the fuckers you are stuck with life...FOR LIFE.

Especially you gentlemen, once that bunny gives up the ghost...Not only do you no longer have a choice as to whether you are going to be a father (biologically)...you have to live with that lack of choice..one way or another...FOREVER.

Harsh..you betcha.

(I am not even going to delve into women who get knocked up on purpose to get/keep a man, there aren't ways to measure how mentally stunted ya'll are)

Clearly I'm nutters

Because..the 9 year old boy.
not so secretly psychotic cat...
and 108 pound Mastiff with allergies are not family enough....(all of whom love nothing as so much as velcro-ing themselves to me at any given time)

And obviously the full time job, and three soccer teams (two mine..one the kiddo's)dont keep me busy enough...

This weekend,I added a Puppy..an 8 week old Labrador Puppy has now joined the motley crew that makes up my family...

Yes, St Elizabeths? I'd like to book a room with a view...

Neutered Germies

I am back!

I would like to say it feels wonderful to be alive, but I'm still boogery and hacky and wheezy.
So frankly it aint bliss...

But thanks to my loverly PA and Levaquin my germs are now shooting blanks..impotent.

And you will also be pleased to know, (but not suprised I suspect) that I still I look gorgeous.

Even the green plague could not dull my shiny goodness.

Yeah me!

Mutant Junkie Germs..

Those of you who are not yet blessed with progeny may not be familiar with this phenomenon.. known as "the illness your child brings home from school"

An illness your child brings home from school will be the worst, most miserable, hateful sickness that has ever wrapped it's death like arms around you.

You will be so sick, you fear that you will actually live...and it will last so long as to devour all of your carefully accumulated sick leave you had planned to sparingly use to alleviate the holiday drought from Presidents day to Memorial day.

Because regardless of what a hardass you may view yourself as, the "brought-home-from-school illness" with have you buried in Kleenex and cough drop wrappers and your entire wardrobe will have a slight scent of Vicks Vapo-rub for weeks.

Your co-workers will shun you, scuttling across the hallways like roaches when they see you skulking and wheezing toward them (since this is now day "whatever" and you have refused to use more sick leave, you have come to work)

This is why, when your little angel is actually old enough to attend school other parents smirk. You will say "Oh my child is clean"
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa
There is are always families that send their children to school sick, and it matter not HOW sick they are (I've received not ONE but TWO letters alerting "us" that a child with Scarlet Fever has been sent to school)
Now the school has also sent repeated letters home, imploring parents to please not send their vomitting/dysentery wracked child to school until said symptoms have been absent for a full 24 hours. Ditto for fevers, and various other plagues.

Luckily for you, I am so sick I am not going to digress into my rant against employers in this godforsaken country.
Is it co-incidence that we have THE WORST personal leave policies of any industrialized country?

I'm sick as hell and I'm going to hack/wheeze/sneeze on Congress!

p.s. please forgive any grammatical errors or misspellings is the above post, I simply cannot be arsed to do anything but ramble..