What a pain in the hoohah...

*WARNING GRAPHIC TESTING POST AHEAD*

Yesterday I had another test.

Nuchal Translucency/ Sequential Screen.
It is a sonogram in coordination with a blood draw to determine the chances the child I am currently carrying may have Downs Syndrome, trisomy 18, or open neural tube defects.

It is not required, but is suggested for those over 30...something.

The little brochure told me this was an EXTERNAL sonogram, which I am cool with.

But the brochure lied, this was an internal sonogram....again.

Now the last internal sonogram I had so pissed my cervix off, it caused a short period of spotting, so I was not eager to repeat this process. But I was there already draped in my little paper drape.

SHIT.

And I'll tell you ladies and gentleman this time around it SUCKED the suck of a thousand sucking suckers.

The chair you sit in is similar to a astronauts launch seat in that after you placed you feet in the alotted stirrups you are lifted and tilted back and backside up so that the doctor has a clear inward shot with the sono stick.
Which to be honest looks alot like a dildo with a condom on it..
So in the "probe" slides (BLLUURRRRGG)

First the attempt to locate my ovaries, again, which entails much pushing down and around on my abdomen, whilst shifting about inside..OUCH.

After seemingly hours/seconds of this, I politely reminded the doctor that just a mere two weeks ago we took a looky loo at said ovaries and they were present and happy, lets assume they still are and get down to bizness.

There on the screen is my little spud, however spud is napping in a position the is not conducive to picture taking so the doctor shakes the probe around inside me, (think stirring motion) waking spud up and causing him to move into what I assume is the first correct position.
Then there is more shaking and spud moves again (after what appears to be a swatting motion in the doctor's direction)

Poor Mr. Dreadful was very disconcerted by this. And later told me of his urge to ask the doctor if he could "stick that thing up his ass and start stirring" Bwaa I was thinking same thing.

Thankfully the process ended before I blacked out...and off I went to be poked by a phlebotomist.

Happy Happy Joy Joy.

Another poke (by the phlebotomist) in 4 or 5 weeks..and then thats that.

But no more tests of this nature. I'm done..what will be will be.

I am physically and emotionally spent from this roller coaster ride.

I beg your pardon?

So, whilst at my old OB's office picking up my dusty records from my first roll down the birthing alley (I'm switching to a new one for this act) I managed to liberate a magazine on Pregnancy (seriously, they have a magazine about it! only 9 issues in a subscription..natch) anyway in this particular magazine, buried between pages of adverts (apparently pregnancy has taken over being gay as an untapped market..so there were A LOT of adverts)
There was an article about "dating when you're pregnant"

How to DATE when you're already pregnant.

It contained tips on things such as when to tell your new beau that you're pregnant, whether you should explain how you got pregnant, at which point should you stop dating when you're pregnant.

I wonder how most men would take this bit of news - not the shining Adonis' of virtue whose stories are contained in those pages, but real live men...

Someone please stop this whirling..around..and..around

For those of you who are blessed either by gender or genetics and have never experienced "Morning Sickness"

I loathe you all.

It has been compared to motion sickness, which having suffered from as a child I can attest to the similarities.. (not to mention a unforgettable experience with a Waltzer at Hull Fair a few years ago.....put me off mushy peas for LIFE)

But unlike motion sickness where you start to feel a little blurg...and then a little queasy...and maybe throw up, or maybe not...

Morning sickness (which no doubt you've heard can strike anytime day or night) hits fast...and you either calm your stomach...or you PRAY to puke..because throwing up would be a boon. No no you just get that watery feeling in your mouth...and CANNOT puke.

Here is me: (2-3 times during night)

Wake up, sit up, start walking to bathroom to pee...'Oh dear lord I'm going to puke' turn back to kitchen and get glass of Ginger Ale and a piece of Hawaiian Bread (hey it works) and sip and eat standing in kitchen...then rush to bathroom to pee(taking deep breaths and chanting 'please dont like me puke..please dont let me puke'...come back to kitchen and nibble some more on way back to bed.
Now you ask why dont I keep something by the bed? Because if the ginger ale is not ice cold..I will throw up..and I cannot eat without drinking.

My sense of smell, which was freakishly keen to begin with, is off the charts.
I cannot stand the smell of Dorito's just thinking of them is making me queasy actually.
And grocery stores just stink.


And the only way to calm the queasiness is to eat, constantly..small meals/snacks all day long, because eating TOO much at once will do the same, AND give me heartburn as well.

I do not remember it being this vicious....:sigh:

Huh...who woulda thunk it.

Alrighty, so obviously you've noticed I've been out of touch for a bit.

Fear not I have not taken off to join the Sherpas...nor have I renounced my blogging ways:

I'm Pregnant.
I'm exhausted, my breasts have gotten..just ridiculous. And have the morning, afternoon, evening and middle of the night sickness from Hades itself.