My three children...

My darling first born...the wee-V....My sweet baby..spud.......And my breast pump



I have a love hate relationship with the latter.

Since I have been forced to return to work, I have enjoyed (not) multiple daily appointments with the breast pump.

Ameda..Purely yours..double pump.

We meet covertly in the file room (after locking the door, hanging up the "go away" sign outside, and covering the big window next to the door)
I loathe this process daily, and look at it akin to thrice daily trips to the dentists office.
The discomfort not withstanding, I find it near to impossible to relax. Which is necessary to stimulate letdown. Every slight sound I hear I am sure I am either inconveniencing someone or someone is going to try to barge in (yes I know I lock the door, I'm paranoid like that) so I'm nervous as a wren which means I only get the most pitiful drops (which I covet nonetheless)

So why dont I just stop? Excellent question.

The one I admit to and champion? Because it is the best thing for my little spud, he is gorgeous and healthy and I know to a certain extent it is because of my dedication to nursing him and providing him with breastmilk.

The other less championed reason? Because I would feel like a failure if I stopped.
I feel like a crappy mother for even complaining about this, because it is such a small sacrifice for the well being of my child. There are women who travel miles to just get clean water for their family and I'm whinging about 20 minutes three times a day? I should be ashamed of myself for my self indulgence.

But I just cannot psyche myself for this task daily at work..I live for the weekends more so now, so that I can leisurely nurse or pump or whatever is the comfort and privacy of my home.

I tell you.....This being a mom stuff is a slippery slope of self flagellation.