The Wing....person

Ok, while I did drag my ass out the door on Black Friday...the only thing I purchased was a pair of jeans that made me look even more fabulous than usual... And no, you status whores, they were not whatever the latest trend of cool jeans is embroiderly/glitter/studs hoopa hoopa with a price tag over 100 bucks...they were godblesstheusa Levi's.
And they worked their magic extraordinaire on Friday night.
Once again my evil local friend lured me away from my darling child to the local quasi-dive bar.
And I looked fucking FABULOUS, hell I felt fucking fabulous. (wore the new jeans natch)
All I needed was a damn tiara and I'd have been queen of the universe!

About halfway through my lovely evening of flirtation and amusement, I noticed that a newly acquired friend type person was making that face at me...
Women, you know that face. Invaribly it is not on the face you want to be making it, but on the face of someone you are not romantically interested in.
So I did my very best to ignore, of course my evil friend had to point it out and mock me..
Anyway so Saturday night after I had seen my darlingangel off into slumber city (after watching my beloved Capitals lose in the 15th round of sudden death shoot-outs..dammit)
Previously mentioned evilfriend had made quasi plans to "hang-out" with her crush, and of course first the first time in the history of me...I went out two nights in a row! (and no of course I didnt leave my little one alone, sillyrabbits!)
So I got to be a wingman...and take in the *ahem* scenery at local quasi-dive.
Anyway, I think my ill timed arrival made her crush nervous because he bolted downstairs when I arrived..I showered, I swear!

He eventually came back upstairs and was most attentive to my evilfriend while I had inappropriate conversation with another male friend about the appalling number of women who dont know how to give proper..oral. Really its appalling how dreadful some women are at this...anyway I digress.
Evilfriend gave her crush a ride to his friends house where he was staying whilst visiting our fair area..He tried to get her "inside" and she politely declined (good for her!) But at least the lucky bitch got smoochies...

So of course being women, we had to analyze every single minute action the next day for some possible double meaning...And when I mentioned his withdrawl from her side upon my apparently frightening appearance, imagine my shock and horror when she had perhaps a different view, instead thinking he might fancy me and didnt want me to think they were "together" NAH UH!
I immediately replayed evening in my smoked brain..and told her she was daft...repeatedly.

But it did bring to mind the potential for a certain circumstance to arise when one is playing the wingman...

So gentlemen...You do not hit on the wingman..person.

For example, when you meet a girl and/or start chatting up said girl you are NOT allowed to tag up and change in the middle of the evening to her friend. This makes you a slimy wad of snot.
Of course we appear witty and charming, this is because we are not interested in you.
Do not stare at us, wink at us, or attempt to touch us in a overtly flirtatious manner. And under no circumstances attempt to get our number or give us yours.

I do not care if you are a British drummer with fabulous hair, who happens to be a PhD (yeah sure like one of those exisits!) you are not fabulous enough to make me stab my friend between the blades for.

Women (and I mean the grown up intelligent ones here) do not and will not screw their friends over for a man.
And if they do they are stupid vapid little cows who's karma will fromhereforward be screwed for a very very long time.
Yes there are women who value getting a man above their girlfriends, they are called idiots.

Smart intelligent women recognize the precious value in their friends and we dont try to bolster our ego's at our friends' expense.
Alrighty? Alrighty!

Which brings me briefly to...And, I loathe that I have to even write this.

Ladies, it is also not ok to attempt snag your friends crush.
I do not give a frying fruitfly how you justify it to yourself or to the world.
It is the shittiest of the shitty.
And do not say "But we talked about it and she said it was cool"
She is lying, because unlike you, you faithless trallop she is being a good friend, though you do not deserve it.
There is absolutely no excuse for this...It is disrespectful..period.