He who dies with the most toys wins....

Well the holiday season is upon us. Starbucks has their Gingerbread latte's on the menu! (which I am dancing the happy dance over)
But the most obvious sign arrived in my inbox today ...the advertisements for "Black Friday" at various retail establishments in the area...for those of you who are unfamiliar with the significance of this day in the pantheons of American History..Allow me to enlighten and delight you..
Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving... and why Miss Penny is it called "Black Friday"?? Brilliant question kiddies! ..it is because as the BIGGEST shopping day in these here United States, if you run any sort of retail establishment you are virtually guaranteed to be in the "black" on this day. (meaning you'll fatten your coffers)
On this fine day...a large percentage of Americans (well except federal government workers, who in the great law of averages- managing to have almost every other freakin quasi-holiday and random Friday off- are actually required to report to work) rouse themselves from their post turkeyday tryptophin coma's at the ass-crack of dawn to queue up in front of Walmart/K-Mart/Target/insertnameofastorehere and surge into said store to get the super dooper bargains/latest cool item when they open the doors at whatever the announced hour.
A few years ago a woman was actually crushed and seriously injured beneath the deluge of people trying to cram into a local Target. PEOPLE ACTUALLY STEPPED ON HER to get into the store.
How absolutely frightingly fucking pathetic...
I have witnessed seemingly rational mothers go positively ape shit over the wrong color game-boy for their child...their eyes glassy and spittle on their chins as they screech at the sales clerk "THE THE ROYAL BLUE WILL SIMPLY NOT DO!!! I MUST HAVE THE ICE BLUE!!"
And they treat the sales persons like complete crap in their single minded quest for gift giving perfection.

And somehow I fear this year, in spite of several pretty catastrophic ass whuppings by Momma Nature, we won't be any different. Last Sunday, I was in Target looking for a basketball backboard system for my darlingangel when I witnessed a woman was being lectured by her corpulent child as to what was and was not acceptable as a christmas gift this year.
And when she dared to mention that the new Playstation was just too expensive, he actually called her a cheap bitch..I KID YOU NOT. Now the temptation to divert and address the appalling deterioration of the family relationship dynamic is strong..But, I shall save that for another post because it deserves it's very own post dammit...so I'm sticking to this topic..for now.
Anyway, it made me wonder why do we as parents/spouses/children/significant others/ect..ect. believe that only the best most fabulously sought after present will do for Christmas? (and I am using Christmas because that is that winter holiday we celebrate in my house, but whether you deck the halls, light the Menorah, celebrate the seven principals of Kwanzaa, or dance around a flaming shrub ...consumerism has your number as well)

Now dont mistake me here. I like my "stuff" as much as the next red blooded american who doesnt live on a compound with alot of fire power and a constant state of paranoia does.
I do not shun technology and only feed my child organic food..Far from it..I love my television, Levi's, Doc Martens, other tangible goods and I REALLY want an iPOD.
But I do not, and have not roused myself at the buttcrack of dawn on a day off to go shopping for "the gift" ..cuz that's just stupid.


Parents...that item from last year that you woke at 5am, stood in line for two hours and almost came to blows over, is it still your childs favorite?
Ladies Gentleman..do you remember what your loved one got you three years ago for Christmas? Two Years? How about last year? Was is so fantastic that it proved their undying love and devotion to you forever?

So you ask what will I be doing this Black Friday?

Well I am going to call every single one of my friends who is toiling away for the Federal goverment and gloat.

Because I'm petty like that :-P